Written by: Edwige Gilbert,
Author of the “Fresh Start Promise”
Dale Carnegie once said, “Fear does not exist anywhere but in our mind.”
Let’s consider this: If fear is just a figment of our imagination and does not exist anywhere else, how can we explain the devastating impact fear has on our health and in our lives?
I may have an answer for you. You see fear, unlike any other emotion, has a vital and basic function, which is to warn us against physical and emotional danger. To accomplish this purpose, fear activates the fight or flight response releasing toxic chemicals in our brain such as adrenaline. I can understand how useful this function may have been thousands of years ago, to warn the poor cavemen to fly or fight for their lives when attacked by a bear. But today, this function seems obsolete and yet, we are still experiencing its full impact. For example, we might just be giving a speech or showing up for an interview and all of a sudden we notice our heart pounding in our chest and our palms getting sweaty, while feeling panicky and confused.
I have a difficult time accepting that just because we are afraid, all of this can happen. Especially when I realize that practically everything we do in our lives is tinted with fear. As you already know, the list of fear situations is nearly endless: fear of sickness, poverty, rejection, the fear of aging, loneliness, and the fear of failure or even success.
What are we to do? Accept that we are prisoners of fear and allow it to dominate our lives and take away our freedom and joie de vivre?
I don’t think so and I hope you feel the way I do.
In the name of our liberation from the tyranny of our fears, I propose 3 steps that we can take to help us.
Step 1: Make fear your friend
What does that mean? Since we cannot escape or hide from it, why not choose to have fear as your companion on your new journey? After all, fear is just warning you that you are going through changes, and dealing with a new situation can be uncomfortable. Fear can also force us to be brave and develop strength of character. Finally, fear, when you are able to conquer it, can bring you such a sense of accomplishment, greater self-esteem and self-confidence.
To make this concept more alive, I propose that you imagine that you are a snake charmer from India wearing a saffron colored turban, sitting in a crossed legged position learning to tame the Cobra of fear, while hypnotizing him with the intoxicating music of the Pungi (a native bamboo wind instrument).
Step 2: Change your focus
Stop focusing on being afraid and start focusing on your desired outcome. It is believed that what you focus on expands and becomes your reality. Decide to focus on what you want to accomplish. Picture yourself having reached your goal feeling confident and victorious.
When dealing with a challenging situation, you can imagine yourself as a warrior, such as King Arthur if you are a man or Xena the warrior princess if you are a woman, holding a sword of fearlessness and wearing an armor of white light, protecting you from all fear and negativity.
Step 3: Be your inner coach
We all have a tendency to be too critical and judgmental about ourselves. We often feel deep down that we are not good enough. We secretly search for perfection, which creates a lot of pressure, fear and anxiety. What if we chose to be more loving and accepting of ourselves and decided to adopt the language of the heart which would ban the “cannot” and the “should’s,” and instead, embracing positive and empowering words?
To create this positive experience, bring your arms up in the air and declare, “Victory to me, Victory is mine” as you place a big smile on your face for appreciation and gratitude of this joyful moment.
I hope you will use these 3 steps on your journey of life. And everyday remember to welcome fear and make it your friend, to keep your mind focused on the wonderful things you desire to achieve in your life and most importantly, to stay loving, encouraging and supportive.
I would like to leave you with a final thought by Ralph Waldo Emerson, who once said, “He who is not every day conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”
1. Keep Giving love
2. Make time for yourself
3. Get out of your own way
4. Stay present
5. Use color to uplift you
6. Eat healthily
7. Get out in nature
8. Help others
9. Take a chance on yourself
10. Give up criticism and complaining
11. Be generous
12. Make a contribution
13. Open up
15. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones
16. Take yourself on a date once a week
18. Eat something you loved eating as a child
20. Give hugs
21. Get a good night’s sleep
23. Focus on gratitude
24. Believe in yourself
25. Live for the journey instead of the result
*Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Founder of i adore me
Written by: John Michael Dias
I had an epiphany today. This is something I realize that will change everything. I was in a particularly bad mood as I trudged my way to the A train from my apartment on my way to work. After the train finally pulled up to a screeching halt at the station, I found myself looking around at all the different kinds of people around me. I realized that everything I was noticing was coming from a negative place. I heard myself say things in my head like, "Who would wear those shoes?" "I hate the color of that woman's coat" "He needs a haircut." "I wish that jerk would cut the flap open on the back of his jacket!!!" "That girl's voice is sooooo loud and annoying!"
Firstly, Who am I to think these things about other people? Secondly, all of these people have their own story and just as much worth as I do. Instantly, that girl with the Loud, Annoying Voice let out a joyous guffaw of musical laughter and a switch went off in my head.
This girl’s laughter was filled with so much joy and positivity. I instantly looked back at every person I was judging unfairly before, looking at them now in a completely different light. I looked over at the man whose shoes I hated before and noticed he had huge, beautiful blue eyes. The woman who wore that coat I hated, had such a pleasant expression on her face and looked so confident and content; you could tell she loved what she was wearing just by her stance. The guy who needed a haircut was a busy dad with his two children. He was making them laugh by reading to them on the long train ride downtown, and it was adorable. And who knows? Maybe that other guy wasn’t ever taught to snip that thread on the back of his coat.
I continued to look around the train and found positive things about everyone around me. The woman across from me had a beautiful smile. The couple near me was holding hands and looked so in love. Before I knew it, I heard the sound of the sliding doors and it snapped me out of my trance. I was at 59th street and it was time to get off the train.
I found that I was in such a good mood on my walk to work and throughout the rest of that day. I found that people were looking at me differently. Could it be that because I was seeing the positive in them, giving out good energy, they, in turn, were seeing the positive in me? Stranger things have happened.
For the rest of the day I found myself exercising this technique. The second I felt some negative thought or judgment coming on, I would instantly counteract it with a positive thought. I intend to make this my new way of living.
I truly believe that negativity is like a drug; it’s extremely addictive. It is so easy to gravitate toward negative thoughts and dwell on the negative aspects of people and situations. When we think of the positives, focusing on what we can learn from experiences we are confronted with, we blossom.
With every negative is a positive. I truly believe the mind is everything. What you think, you become. I choose to think positively. How about you?
*Please share your comments below*
written by: John Michael Dias
I found this beautiful video on YouTube. It is an inspiration to me. There is a famous poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer entitled, "The Invitation," and it is incorporated in this video below. It was uploaded onto YouTube by CreativeRain. I invite you to not only watch this video but read the poem underneath the video. I hope it inspires you as much as it inspires me!
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Canadian Teacher and Author
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
I want to know if you can
to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
© 1995 by Oriah House, From "Dreams Of Desire"
Published by Mountain Dreaming, 300 Coxwell Avenue, Box 22546, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4L 2A0
Written by: EDWIGE GILBERT
Henry Ford once said, “Whether you believe you can or you believe you cannot, you are right." Fortunately the choice is yours. Unfortunately it is a very hard one to make. Let me tell you why. Most of the time you are not conscious that the decision you want to make has anything to do with embedded beliefs operating in your mind. There are two kinds of them, which I have named self-serving and self- sabotaging. The self-serving beliefs make you feel courageous, confident, happy and assist you in achieving your goals. On the other end, the self-sabotaging beliefs make you feel anxious, insecure and literally attack your self esteem and self confidence. In light of this awareness, if you feel good about yourself, are successful and in charge of your life, you have been blessed with the productive kind. No need to change anything, just make sure you show gratitude for your life and for all the people who live in it.
Let’s discuss now about what beliefs are and are not, and how you can make them work for you and become victorious. You see, a belief is just a thought that you hold to be true. That thought can trigger an emotion, which in turn can influence you to take an action, and it all ends up with a result. Let’s review this sequence again. There is a thought, followed by an emotion ending with an action and a result. It is a very important sequence to remember and not to take lightly, since the outcome may not always work to your advantage. That is the issue indeed. When you keep repeating the same unwanted sequence and getting the same result, you might want to stop and reflect for a moment. What is truly going on here? The problem might have to do with a thought which you hold to be true. What if you decided to challenge this belief and to question whether it is true or not? What about if you replaced your old belief? I promise, simply asking these simple questions can alter the course of your life in a very dramatic way.
Let me tell you my story:
As a little girl in the South of France, I was raised by a grandmother who believed that I was fragile and needed protection. Anytime I would venture out and try something new, I would hear “You cannot” and it would stop me immediately. Over time, with hundreds of repetitions of “I cannot,” I began to believe it so much that this phrase became my password, my worst companion. Even after I left grandmother and moved to the United States, I could still hear her voice deep inside my head, repeated anytime I wanted to show my courage and venture into the world. Not only did I feel I was cursed, but I also became very shy, without an ounce of self confidence, a true basket case. Maybe you can relate to my story or simply understand that it is meant to illustrate how a sabotaging belief can highjack your entire life. Ironically you start to believe that you are trapped. No matter what you try to accomplish, you return to the same place, to the same uncomfortable feeling over and over again. You are caught between your desire to take a positive action moving you forward, and your insidious belief holding you back. "Am I going crazy?" you ask. Are you doomed to remain a victim? Are you part of a Greek tragedy? I assure you it is none of the above.
Whether you have been struggling with your weight, hesitating to change careers, contemplating going back to the gym or giving up finding your significant other, the answer is the same. It is a three step solution.
The first step and most crucial one is to become aware. What I mean is to have the courage to reflect on your life and to trace back to the origin of your recurrent and uncomfortable feelings which are connected to your sabotaging beliefs. Let me warn you, from my experience, most of the time you will end up in childhood, which is when you will need to be kind, forgiving to yourself and others. Just know that you did the best you could. It was not your fault. You did what you were taught and the people in your life did their best as well with what they believed.
The second step of this transformational process is to imagine yourself free of the old belief, feeling confident, passionate unstoppable, moving forward towards your desired goal. To create this experience, begin to make vivid and compelling pictures of the New You that you project on your mental screen, see all the details of the person you desire to become and believe that you are worthy of feeling this way.
Step three is to declare your victory, as you immerse in rehearsing your role in this happy story. Then, when you feel you are at the peak of this emotional experience, take a deep breath and declare out loud “Victory to me, Victory is mine”. Believe that the seed of the New You has been planted and use repetition to ensure the creation of this new long lasting conditioning.
One important recommendation: be patient and be kind to yourself. It is believed that it takes a minimum of 21 days to install a new behavior in the subconscious mind. Be aware that some of those beliefs can be very tenacious, since they have been with you for a very long time. Whenever during the day you feel the unwanted feeling showing its face, simply make a fist with your right hand, take a deep breath and repeat silently to yourself three times in a row “Victory to me ,Victory is mine”. I promise it will activate the memory of your new experience and of the New You.
***Voila, give it a try and let me know your story!***
"We are not what happened to us, but what we choose to become"
Right now I have a lot of hope in my heart. I have hope for our country. I have hope that we can move forward as a united nation now that the election is over. I have even more, positive hope that President Obama will do what he set out to do 4 years ago. I have hope that my dreams and my passions of i adore me’s success will come to fruition. I also have a deep hope and courage within myself to keep going, never giving up. What do you have hope for?
Please enjoy this video. I hope it will inspire you as it has in me…
*Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Founder of i adore me
My heart was filled with warmth from the message left on my voicemail. It was a shared moment between friends and it was special. Friends are gifts and should be treasured. They lift you up when you are down and they’re always there in the good & bad without expectations…just love.
“Hey Bets. It’s me, Lisa. I am driving down to Albuquerque, and I’m TOTALLY having an “i adore me “ moment, and I wanted to share it with you. I kind of did it consciously, but not with creating too much intention around it. I was getting ready tonight to go to a party, which for me, you know is a big deal, because of my terrible health issues. I’m always feeling like shit, and I look like a corpse lately. I walk around down here in worn out, grungy, sloppy sweats, no makeup and it’s okay, because I’m Bella’s mom, and it’s just her and me. But tonight, something shifted in me and I said ‘NO MORE!’
I got it together and put some effort into me. I took a really hot shower and put some good-old Chaka Chan tunes on. Then I put on makeup and a cute outfit and I feel like the old me, just like I did when we were roommates back at Syracuse. I haven’t felt like this in years. And you know what girlfriend? Just like you always do, my friend, I got it together!
I feel sooo good. I feel like I took care of me today. Mind you, it’s nothing over the top, but I look good. And damn it, you know what? I feel good! I haven’t had this feeling in so long. So I am calling you, my beautiful friend, to share my i adore me moment and to say, ‘I love you.’ It’s Saturday night at 6:30. Call me!”
I listened to her message again and it made me feel so good. Sometimes all we need in life is a shared moment. Maybe you can reach out to someone you love and just share something that makes you feel good. See how it will touch them as well as yourself. You’ll be glad you did. I’ll even bet on it...
*Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Founder of i adore me
Are you feeling uplifted lately or are you down in the dumps? Who do you turn to when you’re feeling kind of blue? Who gives you that support and lifts you up? We all need support and it’s really important to find people we trust and that we can turn to when we feel sad and blue. So whom are you reaching out to? Who is your support system?
I find that when I’m feeling kind of blue and sad, I can call my best friend and say, “Hey, can I bitch for a second?” And then I’m begging her to make me laugh, because there’s nothing better in the world than laughing. It breaks you out of depression and makes you happier. It works every time. You instantly feel better.
Writing down my feelings and emotions helps to get them out as well. It feels like a therapy session and it's a lot cheaper. Possibly try doing that and see how you feel. Don’t suppress the feelings. Get them out in some way, whether you walk, exercise or laugh with a friend. Once you air it, somehow you feel lighter.
Then there is a wonderful universal law to try. Once you’ve gotten yourself uplifted to a more positive place, share your positivity with someone who is down in the dumps. Reach out and give that person a helping hand or a phone call…just show that you care. One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is reaching out and saying: “I care.” You’ll lift them up as well as yourself.
Take one day at a time. Try as much as you can to be in the moment. Try not to fast forward to next week’s business conference. It is amazing how just by focusing on the moment, everything will take care of itself. Music is magic, turn it on. It shifts your vibration and energy helping you to be more in the now. We need to crawl before we walk and walk before we run, so don’t be in a rush. Take it as it comes, but keep on uplifting your energy and moving yourself in a forward direction.
Just like Gandhi says, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It all starts with you. Take that first positive step. Then give back and get involved in helping others and your community. Whether you are a woman or a man, help extend the chain that links all of us together to heal. This is what community means: to share, support, help and give back! You will feel so good to get involved. Just look at how many lives you will help! Now that is what you call being UPLIFTED!!!
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Founder of i adore me
I am teaching a class of high school seniors at a private school in New York.
The class is all girls and each one of them is bright, inquisitive and willing to
share their personal stories. One of the students disclosed how difficult it’s been for
her to keep it together emotionally. She is constantly told that she is unnecessarily sensitive and feels too much all the time. One of the other students responded by telling her that she has the opposite problem. She keeps it together all the time and when she does fall apart, no-one knows what to do for her. Why is it that we are so afraid of becoming undone?
Who told us that we had to manage our moods perfectly and present the perfect persona to the world every day? I was raised by a very positive and loving mother, yet, she also made it very clear to all four of her children that we should SMILE and “nothing’s a problem unless you make it one.” Life is full of problems. We all have different ways of looking at them and navigating through them. Sometimes they overwhelm us and we want to climb under our bed for a few hours or days.
It was one of the most liberating experiences for me to be able to respond to the question “How are you?” with a candid, “I’m not having such a great day.” I don’t expect that person to cheer me up or save me, but for over 30 years almost no-one in my life knew when I was disappointed, scared or feeling depressed. In the past, the way I answered the phone, you would have thought I had just won the lottery. It must have really annoyed people or made them think, “I want what she’s on.” I wasn’t on anything. I was just afraid of revealing what I was going though. I never wanted to exhibit any of my internal discomfort or anger to anyone. Dismantling my pride was like getting in a boxing ring with my Irish ancestors. I would write about it or cry in the shower, but I had self-prescribed emergency brakes for my really sad days. My mantra was "tomorrow will be better."
The one thing I do know is that if we come “undone” and our inner direction is in need of a spiritual GPS, we can find our way back. Most often we do come to a better place. We see differently, we are more understanding and forgiving. No matter how dark we may feel, our pilot light is always on. I adore Me.
***Please comment Below***
Are you someone that wakes up in the morning obsessing about your to-do list from here to eternity? Or, are you someone that takes a moment and a breath and is grateful for a good night’s sleep, letting the day unfold as it may? I don’t know about you, but the days that I look at the cup flowing over, everything seems to really work out in my day and in my world. See how starting your day with a new, positive attitude will bring about a whole new energy and way to be. Aren’t you excited to start today?
Here are the steps that you should follow to have a positive day: Think One Positive Thought
: So much of our attitude in our lives is decided by what our thoughts are when we wake up in the morning. Coming from a true, positive place will set everything in alignment for you throughout your day. Hug Yourself
: Lately, I have started wrapping my arms around me first thing in the morning, giving myself a morning hug and saying, “i adore me.” This evokes my self-love, that I’m going to be ok and that I’m ready for my day. Mirror Talk
: As you look at the reflection in the mirror first thing in the morning, what do you say to yourself? Are you looking at yourself and loving what you see or are you being harsh and critical on that reflection? It’s so much better when you look in the mirror and say: “I’m going to have a great day today,” rolling up the corners of your mouth, letting that smile just peak through. With or without makeup, you are beautiful…but you need to feel that. Take one to two minutes out of your morning, looking in the mirror and have a positive conversation with yourself about what you are going to do during the day. Take an Invigorating Shower
: The next step to having a positive day is enjoying your shower. In order to enjoy your shower, don’t run your to-do list in your head. Put on some upbeat music and/or just let the essence of the water invigorate your body. Water makes you feel fresh, alive and clean. Let it do its job. Envision Your Daily Color
: Still in the shower, envision what you want to wear and what color is going to be in your day. For example: “Today the color I want to wear is orange to give me courage” (click here to find out how to use color positively in your world
). Then incorporate orange from what you’re going to wear to what healthy orange foods you’re going to put in your body for breakfast, to feeling that sunny nature and the sweetness of the color orange. Immediately you will feel so good. Meditate:
After the shower and envisioning your color of the day, take a few minutes and put on some calming and meditative music, sit up straight in a chair (or upright on your couch) with feet planted on the ground, feel yourself connected to the earth and allow yourself to relax. Close your eyes, take three breaths in and out and allow the moment to just be this beautiful, precious moment of peace. You will not believe what a difference taking these two to three minutes will make in starting your day. Use an Essential Oil
: An essential oil is also a wonderful way to give yourself a positive outlook for your day (click here to find the list of essential oil options
). There is a wonderful assortment of blends to make you feel empowered, relaxed or even to awaken you. The “Awaken”
blend is one of my favorites, making me feel alive. It truly gives me that essence of feeling happy. Eat a Healthy Breakfast
: The last thing before you leave the house is to put some wonderful nourishment in your body. Think about your color of the day and find a way to incorporate it in your meal in a natural way. An example: If orange is your color of the day, eat a piece of orange, an apricot or an orange piece of melon. Have some healthy greens (like spinach or kale) to give you energy and vitamins, protein such as a hard-boiled egg and a fresh piece of fruit. This gives your body energy, brainpower and a wonderful way to start that positive day of yours.
So now that you have a wonderful list to start your day, follow these steps. See how great you’re going to feel: the positive change you are going to bring into your life and the people you will meet. Aren’t you ready for that? *Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Founder of i adore me