 Written by: Edwige Gilbert
Every year on December 31st, people all over the world make New Year’s resolutions. Millions of people wake up thinking, “This is the day I am going to do things differently!” They yearn for a new beginning and hate themselves when, after a few weeks, their resolutions fail.
Why do they fail? Because in trying to bring about change in their lives, people reach for the only tool they think they have: willpower, forcing themselves to change. Most often, unfortunately, the will fights back…and wins.
Look at dieting for example. In America, about 109 million dollars are spent on dieting and on diet products every day (Us department of Health and Human Services). Nearly two thirds of Americans are overweight. 25 percent of American men and 45 percent of American women are presently on a diet. Sadly, only 5 percent will lose the weight and keep it off.
What is wrong in the picture? Why is it so difficult to change?
Change is only possible when we begin to understand that it is futile to willfully struggle against our habitual patterns of behavior. You see, we are creatures of habit. Our mind does anything it can to keep us in our comfort zone, away from the unfamiliar and the uncomfortable. This is known as the ”pain/pleasure principle,” which is being experienced when the mind automatically moves us away from pain and toward pleasure and ease. When we tell ourselves, “I should go on a diet,” “I must…," or "I have to...,” immediately, our minds perceive it as painful and react by effectively stopping us from making our desired change. In other words, it is the mind’s protective mechanism that seeks to return us to our comfort zones, even when that acquired comfort zone is unhealthy and potentially harmful in the long run.
So what are we to do? Are we doomed to remain prisoners of our unwanted habits and behaviors? Not at all. The secret is to make our minds enjoy what we desire to change.
Change your focus and you shall change your reality. Simply choose to focus on your desired outcome, engaging the power of your imagination and of positive emotions. This means picturing having reached your desired goal, feeling good about yourself, feeling proud, in charge of your life again, liberated from the past and victorious.
It is strongly believed that the mind does not know the difference between what is real or just imagined. So take advantage of this, and begin to “think yourself changed!" The actual process is simple and is divided into three components:
First, develop a deep state of relaxation, called “Alpha,” an indispensable state to access the subconscious, which is also considered to be the only part of the brain where the seed for a new desired habit can be planted.
Second, in this peaceful state, get ready to project on an imaginary mental screen, which I call the “screening room,” all the vivid details of your new desired behavior. The more specific your visualization is the better. It will ensure the success of this practice.
Finally, in the last stage, remember to include powerful, positive words which I like to consider “declarations," that when repeated will not only create a hypnotic response, but will also, in the future, activate the memory of this joyful experience. The words I recommend to use are: “I choose to create this experience, I believe that I can, victory to me, victory is mine."
Be aware that repetition is critical to the success of the “screening room” practice. Neuroscience tells us that daily repetition for 21 days is what is recommended to create a new pathway to the brain, responsible for our new habitual pattern of behavior.
No doubt, this is powerful material to absorb and can be challenging at first. Realizing that transformation begins in our minds, knowing that thoughts create our destiny and that we have the power to become the master of our lives, can also be the ideal way to begin the year. For a change, prepare yourself to throw out the “gotta, oughts, should’s” part of your resolution, and instead decide to embrace the “I choose.. I desire... I can… I do...”. This will lead you to victory and success in your life.
Do you need the will to do something? Do you want to get out of your negative rut? Well...learning about YELLOW will give you the answers. Join me in this short video for a brief tip about YELLOW ***Take note that the special offer mentioned in this video is no longer for Color Your WORLD, but for Color Your LIFE! Click here to see programs listed on my Work With Me page.*** By: Betsy Karp,
The COLOUR COACH
Have a COLORFUL Day!
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Learn how RED and GREEN affect different Chakras in your body, which in turn, affect your energy, your mood and your thoughts. See how RED and GREEN will bring more abundance into your life through expansion:
By: Betsy Karp,
The COLOUR COACH
Have a COLORFUL Day!
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Learn how to incorporate PINK into all aspects of your life, from what you eat, to what you wear, to how you feel. PINK is the color of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. The more you surround yourself with PINK, the more LOVE you will experience for yourself and in your life. Learn a wonderful Watermelon Salad recipe and a few other fun tips to get you started. By: Betsy Karp,
The COLOUR COACH
Have a COLORFUL Day!
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 Written by: Jacqueline Stahl
A letter to my late, first husband and the amazing magician, Harvey Cohen
Dear Harvey:
I thought about you so much this past weekend. I took an Amtrak train up to Albany, boarding the last train leaving Penn Station. A snowstorm was predicted and transportation was shutting down for the rest of the day. The sky was gray and the snow was falling as I looked out the window at the frozen Hudson River.
We took that train ride many times together and you would say to me "this is one of the most scenic rides in the world."
You loved storms almost as much as you loved to WOW people. There was nothing more gratifying to you than that look of surprise on someone's face as you double lifted a card into oblivion, or when you made someone believe that a metaphysical miracle was happening and they were a part of it.
I laughed out loud on the train thinking about the time we were invited to Betsy Karp’s Birthday dinner at a little restaurant on Leroy St. She invited a few friends and a couple of people she worked with. One of them was an annoying little man who had a big mouth. He was outspoken and full of himself and you were trying to conceal your boredom by bending spoons and rearranging the sweet and low.
Every few minutes you would wrap your foot around the leg of “Big Mouth’s” chair and give it a delicate tug, while pretending to listen intensely to the conversation. I watched as the poor guy constantly glanced behind himself, glaring at a passing patron or a waiter.
You continued to discretely push and jerk his chair till he finally said: "Someone keeps bumping into me god damn it!" Everyone assured him that no one was doing that, at least not purposefully. I nudged you, silently pleading for you to stop, and you just smiled and gave me the dancing eyebrow response.
The wait staff circled round our table, a clear distance away from your victim. A well-frosted cake was placed in front of Betsy as everyone sang Happy Birthday, and you just couldn't stop yourself. You somehow were able to secure the bottom of his chair with both of your sneakers and lift him in mid-air, dropping him with a Bang. He screamed, "That's it! This place is possessed!" He left in a big hurry and without any cake.
The staff, the guests and our table were convinced that evil spirits had tormented this guy. When you finally revealed your harmless charade, everyone was hysterical. Turned out no one else liked him either.
Harvey, Happy Birthday! I miss laughing with you.
Your three most profound miracles--Jena, Brett and Katie--miss you so much and they carry your magic deep inside. Keep watching over your girls.
We all love you!
Happy Birthday Harv!
Love,
Jackie
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 Written by: Jacqueline Stahl
Side orders just for your enjoyment...
Stories of the Unfaithful...
For two years I led a woman's group focused on love stories, fulfilled and unrequited. The women shared the pain of their affairs, their lover's affairs and the prospect of ending what they thought was the real thing.
The boldest woman in the group was an actress in her early 30's, newly engaged to a shy and talented artist. Her daily schedule was earmarked for workouts, acting classes, therapy, and writing poetry. The group was formed shortly after her mother died of stage four lung cancer. Each week she arrived late, her face powdered with grief and her mouth firing nonstop about the unfairness of life. The other women didn't wilt under her feisty commentary about the "ugly bitches" she met at auditions and the vast amount of alcohol she put away on every shift.
They let her rip until she cried. After one of these emotional breakthroughs, she shared a story of a man that came into a hotel restaurant where she waited tables. He was from Florence, worked for a clothing retail company and traveled to New York every month for one week. Her description of him wasn't flattering, but his shortage of hair and his below average command of English didn't discourage her from venturing into danger.
Over the next few weeks, the women in the group leaned in as she read his emails and texts.
Everyone, including myself was captivated by this foreign Man.
He promised her, "I will wait for you till my last breath." He wrote that he fell in love with her laugh and beautiful eyes. "Do you accept my true sweet words?" He swore, "If I do not honor this divine and powerful force I may as well die. Ciao Bella un bacio!"
One of the women who had recently moved in with her girlfriend laughed out loud: "You have to sleep with him, you don't want his divine death on your conscience."
With every opinion and reflection shared, no one said "end" the relationship. Instead, they encouraged it. Everyone in the group remarked on how much happier she seemed and how radiant she looked.
The little Italian man continued to court her and plan cultural excursions on his days off. They went to the Met, the MOMA and drank champagne at the Peninsula. He planned to take her sailing in Croatia and Italia. Yet, they still had not consummated the relationship.
The fair skinned and provocative Violinist in the group told everyone that this little man was "poetically inserting himself into her life so he has something to look forward to. She's a safe bet, she's engaged, and looking for a distraction from her unsuccessful existence." Then she mumbled, "he probably has a really small..."
The lunging happened first and then a real fist and face slapping fight broke out in my 300 square foot office. Screaming, hair pulling and the C word vibrating off the walls.
"That is enough!" I shouted louder than I ever have in my life. "Sit down and don't say a word until I am finished. This group was not created so we can sit here week after week formulating judgments about one another. We are here to actively listen and genuinely share our lives with each other. We don't always agree with each other, because our personal experiences inform the way we analyze and perceive each moment. Feeling compelled to blatantly hurt or undermine someone is not only unproductive, it is cruel. We are also here so we can safely make mistakes and then apologize and move forward. Let's begin again."
The violinist stood up and walked over to the chair where the actress was sitting and reached out her hand. "I behaved like a little $h!t and I'm sorry. I think I'm jealous of you. You are engaged to a nice guy and you have this International unrequited love affair going on. I have such a boring life and I'm angry at myself...not you. I didn't mean what I said."
The actress nodded her head and said, "He does have a really small..."
The group roared and we were out of time.
Ciao Bellas,
Jacqueline Stahl
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 Written by: Jacqueline Stahl
Across the street from my childhood home lived my first Mentor. She and her husband Morris drove a rusted red Volkswagen bus from Seattle to our little rural town in Connecticut in the late 70's. I babysat constantly for their two daughters and fed their flea loving cats when they traveled.
Lori taught me things that my mother wasn't experienced in. She introduced me to yoga, meditation, vegetarian cuisine and the dangers of deodorant. I watched in awe as she breast-fed her infant. She chewed apples, pears and bananas while spitting it out into her hand to feed her children.
Lori made delicious organic peanut butter and lit incense while espousing the healing benefits of massage. This Hippie Earth Mother didn't bother with fast food, body odor, bras or bikini waxes. She really didn't care what anyone thought about her, because she never seemed to judge anyone herself.
One day I caught my brothers spying on her from our front yard behind a tree as she sunbathed in the nude. She knew. She didn't care. She was free. I envied her. I could tell her anything. She believed in me.
Lori was filled with esoteric information and philosophical perspectives about relationships, Buddhism and love and I was her enraptured student. When her daughters were asleep I would tip toe into Lori's Bedroom and pull the Joy of Sex off the shelf and gaze at all the sensual positions and intimate lovemaking techniques. My heart pounded and my thighs were on fire as I memorized each page. I was physically very inexperienced, but mentally the seeds were deeply planted for my future escapades. I was building and dreaming my own mystical foundations of love and passion. I definitely struggled with my Catholic upbringing and the fear of God visiting me during my research:
“Thou shall have pure thoughts Jacqueline
and thou shall abstain from premarital sex! Amen.”
I devoured her books on Creative Visualization, Sexual politics, Our Bodies Ourselves and my favorite, Love, by Leo Busgaglia. I wasn't content with hugging the periphery anymore. My curiosity was ravenous and I began asking uncomfortable questions. Lori patiently listened and honestly answered.
I was no longer struck motionless inside my adolescent mind and body. Perhaps my new confidence was borrowed at age 14, but I was encouraged to wake up and stretch and I'm still stretching and opening my mind and my heart. Thank you Lori!
Love and Light,
Jacqueline Stahl
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 Written by: Steven M. Goldsmith
All of life is about accepting change and letting go. We lose loved ones, people move away, the elderly pass on, flowers perish and trees fall. We have pets that touch our hearts and leave us with grieving sadness. We have Grandparents who make us feel special, then move onto a higher plane leaving us feeling empty. But we don’t have to feel sad or empty. Now I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt and it isn’t sad. Of course it is. But it is also the natural progression of life and it benefits us more to accept it, breathe and move on. As Francois de la Rochefoucauld so eloquently put it, “The only thing constant in life is change.”
Now, I have been struggling with what I want out of life lately. I’ve come to a fork in the road and I’m not quite sure which way to go. It’s scary and I often don’t want to make a choice…I want things to be as I have always expected them to be and have been used to. But the universe has a different plan…Change!
I am an actor by trade but have been on the fence of whether or not I want to do it anymore. I’ve had some challenging auditions lately and have been putting a lot of pressure on myself. The pressure naturally only makes it worse, but I haven’t figured out how to “let go” of that pressure yet. This was really magnified the other day when I had a pretty bad audition; over the days that followed, I kept beating myself up for it. I held on with such ferocity, as if I might die without the self-inflicted abuse.
I had no idea how to take my mind off of…well…my mind, so I took myself on a date to see “The Life of Pi.” At first I was cynical and wasn’t enjoying it, but once I relaxed and put my focus on the movie instead of my most recent “failure,” I was drawn in. But nothing hit me quite like the quote at the end of the movie: “All of life is an act of letting go, but what hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye” (now what he meant by “not taking a moment to say goodbye” might have been one thing, but I interpreted it to stand for many different situations. It can also stand for forgiveness).
This knocked me over the head, smacked me in the face and jolted me out of my negativity. “All of life is an act of letting go…” I was holding onto this terrible audition and feeling like a failure, telling myself over and over again that I would never be great and that I destroyed chances I may never again get. Holding onto this thought, at the time, was akin to not being able to let one off of life support…I couldn’t say goodbye to it.
Now I realize I was being overly dramatic, but in that moment, that was how I was feeling: hopeless, sad, grieving and lost. I couldn’t let go of my “story.” But if I just “let go” and allowed myself to “say goodbye,” it would be done. It wasn’t still happening to me. The audition wasn’t an endless torture in a chamber of horrifying tools. The horrifying tools were my thoughts and the chamber was my mind. It wasn’t still happening, yet I kept playing it over and over and over and over again in my mind like someone was holding a gun to my head saying, “YOU MUST FEEL SHAME AND SADNESS FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.” And what for?
I’ve been so unsure of my current path as a performer, being faced with this fork in the road of possibly leaving the business and starting over, that I put an exorbitant amount of pressure on this one audition to prove to me that I was “supposed” to stay in the business. It proved to be the opposite. And maybe it was a nudge to say, “keep fighting, stay the course and don’t give up”; who knows. That’s not the point. The point is to learn to let go, say goodbye (albeit, grieve a little to feel the loss so it can be fully released) and go with the flow. Accept the natural progression of life (mistakes and all), accept change and move forward, not backward.
Yes, many horrific and tragic things happen in this world--things far worse than a botched audition--but once it has happened, there’s nothing we can do to change it. We can’t go back in time to “fix” or “stop” it from happening. Once it’s done it’s done, and the only thing that seemingly keeps it going is the mind.
A fork in the road, a bad audition, a loved one passing on, etc… These are things that we’re not meant to hold onto, but we tend to anyway. We do so because it’s hard to be faced with failure and loss. It leads to change, which leads to a different direction and eventually toward a new beginning.
Change is a gift that gives us a chance to release old hurts, learn something new, discover something great and start with something fresh. Who would we be if we stayed in the present and accepted the constant change in the world and in our lives? What wouldn’t we miss? What would we give ourselves permission to do? Byron Katie, the author of “The Work,” says that when we examine depression and sadness, the only thing that ever makes us unhappy is our RESISTANCE to WHAT IS. I truly believe that if everyone learned to “let go” and “say goodbye,” we would live a much more rewarding existence and co-existence. Letting go and saying goodbye…bitter though it may feel, sweet it actually is.
***Please comment below***
 Written by: John Michael Dias
I had an epiphany today. This is something I realize that will change everything. I was in a particularly bad mood as I trudged my way to the A train from my apartment on my way to work. After the train finally pulled up to a screeching halt at the station, I found myself looking around at all the different kinds of people around me. I realized that everything I was noticing was coming from a negative place. I heard myself say things in my head like, "Who would wear those shoes?" "I hate the color of that woman's coat" "He needs a haircut." "I wish that jerk would cut the flap open on the back of his jacket!!!" "That girl's voice is sooooo loud and annoying!"
Firstly, Who am I to think these things about other people? Secondly, all of these people have their own story and just as much worth as I do. Instantly, that girl with the Loud, Annoying Voice let out a joyous guffaw of musical laughter and a switch went off in my head.
This girl’s laughter was filled with so much joy and positivity. I instantly looked back at every person I was judging unfairly before, looking at them now in a completely different light. I looked over at the man whose shoes I hated before and noticed he had huge, beautiful blue eyes. The woman who wore that coat I hated, had such a pleasant expression on her face and looked so confident and content; you could tell she loved what she was wearing just by her stance. The guy who needed a haircut was a busy dad with his two children. He was making them laugh by reading to them on the long train ride downtown, and it was adorable. And who knows? Maybe that other guy wasn’t ever taught to snip that thread on the back of his coat.
I continued to look around the train and found positive things about everyone around me. The woman across from me had a beautiful smile. The couple near me was holding hands and looked so in love. Before I knew it, I heard the sound of the sliding doors and it snapped me out of my trance. I was at 59th street and it was time to get off the train.
I found that I was in such a good mood on my walk to work and throughout the rest of that day. I found that people were looking at me differently. Could it be that because I was seeing the positive in them, giving out good energy, they, in turn, were seeing the positive in me? Stranger things have happened.
For the rest of the day I found myself exercising this technique. The second I felt some negative thought or judgment coming on, I would instantly counteract it with a positive thought. I intend to make this my new way of living.
I truly believe that negativity is like a drug; it’s extremely addictive. It is so easy to gravitate toward negative thoughts and dwell on the negative aspects of people and situations. When we think of the positives, focusing on what we can learn from experiences we are confronted with, we blossom.
With every negative is a positive. I truly believe the mind is everything. What you think, you become. I choose to think positively. How about you?
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written by: John Michael Dias
 Written by: Betsy Karp
Have you asked yourself this question lately: “Who am I?” I love the synchronicity of the universe and how it all works. Everywhere I have gone in the last two weeks, the phrase “Who am I” has come up and brought forth an inner awareness within me.
I was gifted two tickets this week to see the Broadway show, “Cyrano De Bergerac.” It is a tragic love story of a man and his unrequited love for the beautiful Roxanne. Cyrano is a duelist, a gifted, romantic poet and a brilliant, passionate man. He has, however, a disfigurement that causes him terrible, life-long self-doubt. He was born with an obtuse nose, and from that moment, his own mother wanted to give him back, because of his fated flaw.
Cyrano ‘s inner self-doubt and lack of “Who am I” prevents him from expressing his need for true love. He feels that his ugly nose shouldn’t even allow him to be loved by an ugly woman.
Many of us have flaws, imperfections and self–doubt. Why is it that we hide and mask many things about ourselves? There should be no crime or shame in this, but only a true learning and gracious understanding in accepting and honoring the flaws within us.
There is so much beauty in all of us, including our imperfections. As I ask myself, “Who am I” and continually grow into whom I truly am, I have learned to appreciate my flaws and the weaknesses that make me “ME.” No one wants to be a perfectionist. Yes, it is true that we all want things to go well and have success, but there really is no such thing as being perfect.
I have been having my own sense of self-doubt and fears lately, as so much of my life is all about new ventures. I am stepping out of my comfort zone big time and challenging myself like I never have before. I am really showing up for me while staying present every day.
Just the other day I was internally beating myself up, causing a lot of anxiety. It was bringing up feelings of, “Am I good enough? Do I have what it takes? Am I worthy?" And then I had a dream that helped me to break the blocks and move forward in my own sabotaging beliefs. In my dream, I was in a beautiful Indian palace filled with luscious colors, wall hangings, pillows and velvet colored furniture, but there were no bathrooms. In the dream this palace wasn’t a great place to be when I had to go, but when I awoke from the dream, I realized I was creating the blocks within myself.
Once I was wide-awake, I realized how grateful I was to have a bathroom in my apartment. The dream helped me to let go of the perfectionism in me and to know that I am enough. I then reached within my heart and brought out my inner love for me. I repeated the mantra, “I AM ENOUGH…I AM ENOUGH AS I AM,” and as I said this, everything shifted in me.
Cyrano spent his life in denial and wasn’t brave enough to confess his love to Roxanne, his soul mate and true love, due to his heavy tormented self–doubts. Don’t be a victim like Cyrano. Be the victor of you and start to live your life today by saying, “I AM ENOUGH…I AM LOVE …I ACCEPT MYSELF AS I AM.”
When we allow our pasts and our own self-doubts to take away the beauty of self-love and all that we can be, we lose our authentic selves. When we are honest with ourselves, we look inside our hearts and find the courage and strength to say and admit our truth.
Stand up for what you believe in… flaws and all! BE BOLD, BE BRAVE, BE COURAGEUOS! Ask yourself, “Who am I?” and honor that!
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Hugs,
Betsy Karp,
Founder of i adore me
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