 Written by: Jacqueline Stahl
Side orders just for your enjoyment...
Stories of the Unfaithful...
For two years I led a woman's group focused on love stories, fulfilled and unrequited. The women shared the pain of their affairs, their lover's affairs and the prospect of ending what they thought was the real thing.
The boldest woman in the group was an actress in her early 30's, newly engaged to a shy and talented artist. Her daily schedule was earmarked for workouts, acting classes, therapy, and writing poetry. The group was formed shortly after her mother died of stage four lung cancer. Each week she arrived late, her face powdered with grief and her mouth firing nonstop about the unfairness of life. The other women didn't wilt under her feisty commentary about the "ugly bitches" she met at auditions and the vast amount of alcohol she put away on every shift.
They let her rip until she cried. After one of these emotional breakthroughs, she shared a story of a man that came into a hotel restaurant where she waited tables. He was from Florence, worked for a clothing retail company and traveled to New York every month for one week. Her description of him wasn't flattering, but his shortage of hair and his below average command of English didn't discourage her from venturing into danger.
Over the next few weeks, the women in the group leaned in as she read his emails and texts.
Everyone, including myself was captivated by this foreign Man.
He promised her, "I will wait for you till my last breath." He wrote that he fell in love with her laugh and beautiful eyes. "Do you accept my true sweet words?" He swore, "If I do not honor this divine and powerful force I may as well die. Ciao Bella un bacio!"
One of the women who had recently moved in with her girlfriend laughed out loud: "You have to sleep with him, you don't want his divine death on your conscience."
With every opinion and reflection shared, no one said "end" the relationship. Instead, they encouraged it. Everyone in the group remarked on how much happier she seemed and how radiant she looked.
The little Italian man continued to court her and plan cultural excursions on his days off. They went to the Met, the MOMA and drank champagne at the Peninsula. He planned to take her sailing in Croatia and Italia. Yet, they still had not consummated the relationship.
The fair skinned and provocative Violinist in the group told everyone that this little man was "poetically inserting himself into her life so he has something to look forward to. She's a safe bet, she's engaged, and looking for a distraction from her unsuccessful existence." Then she mumbled, "he probably has a really small..."
The lunging happened first and then a real fist and face slapping fight broke out in my 300 square foot office. Screaming, hair pulling and the C word vibrating off the walls.
"That is enough!" I shouted louder than I ever have in my life. "Sit down and don't say a word until I am finished. This group was not created so we can sit here week after week formulating judgments about one another. We are here to actively listen and genuinely share our lives with each other. We don't always agree with each other, because our personal experiences inform the way we analyze and perceive each moment. Feeling compelled to blatantly hurt or undermine someone is not only unproductive, it is cruel. We are also here so we can safely make mistakes and then apologize and move forward. Let's begin again."
The violinist stood up and walked over to the chair where the actress was sitting and reached out her hand. "I behaved like a little $h!t and I'm sorry. I think I'm jealous of you. You are engaged to a nice guy and you have this International unrequited love affair going on. I have such a boring life and I'm angry at myself...not you. I didn't mean what I said."
The actress nodded her head and said, "He does have a really small..."
The group roared and we were out of time.
Ciao Bellas,
Jacqueline Stahl
*Please Comment Below*
 Written by: Betsy Karp
This is your year to be totally honest with yourself and to tell the truth.
Your truth…
We all know deep within ourselves what that looks like, but somehow most of us our afraid to really reveal it. Start believing in the saying,“ the truth will set you free,” because it will. When we honor our true feelings, everything starts to shift. We can open up, be real and start moving forward with integrity. Ask yourself these questions: “Am I being honest with myself? Am I living in integrity? Am I telling my truth?”
I spent New Year’s Eve with someone from my past that I love very much. I was honest with my feelings, and myself, as well as with him. I have no idea where things will go and what will be, and how the Universe will intervene. Maybe we are just two passionate, loving souls sharing space and time in life. I really don’t have all of the answers yet. But what I do truly know is that it feels so great that I was honest with my emotions and myself. I told the truth. My truth. Life and love are complicated and yet when we are truthful with ourselves, everything seems to be a little simpler and a bit freer.
Let your heart steer you in the course you need to go in 2013. Trust that a pure heart will bring you just rewards. Look within and listen to your heart. The heart never lies. It is the truth. Don’t let your head bamboozle your every move. Our mind-voices can make us crazy and turn everything upside down.
Envision and create this New Year to be a year of honesty, and integrity with everyone in your life, but most importantly yourself. Adore yourself and tell your truth so that you can be the change YOU want to be in 2013.
*Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Hugs,
Betsy Karp
Founder of i adore me
 Written by: Betsy Karp
I can’t stop thinking about the tragedy and massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School on Fri, Dec. 14th. My heart and my condolences go out to all of those who lost anyone in this unthinkable, unfathomable occurrence. I am sending wishes and love to all those that are mourning and in deep, terrible pain.
I keep having this vivid visualization of 20 little, white angels in a beautiful circle, all holding hands with white snow coming down all around them. They are warm and toasty in their beautiful, white, down jackets and matching fleece berets, and they’re singing “Jingle Bells.” Everything is so pure and white, clear and clean, and the sky is lit up with so many beautiful stars. But there are perfectly, 20, brilliant stars shining down on each one of them. They are joyful and their spirits are so filled with love.
I keep picturing this over and over so that I can let go of some of the dark, angry, black and horrible feelings I have of this terrible tragedy. 20 little angels are singing, are loving and their spirits and souls are forever in our hearts. They are so pure and so loved, even for those who did not know them.
Take a minute now, close your eyes and envision what I have been visualizing. See if you can try to imagine these beautiful, 20, white, little angels. It is said that our spirits and our souls leave our bodies when we pass on, so let’s all remember and embrace them. If we all put our energy and love together for these families, just think how much lighter they will start to feel.
Life is so precious. It could be gone in an instant. So take some time today and remember how special the people in your life are. Don’t take anything for granted, because we don’t know when our time on this planet will be up. Look up in the sky tonight and let those 20 little angels shine on you.
Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Hugs,
Betsy Karp,
Founder of i adore me
 A Child’s Insight
Series
(ages 11 & 12)
I am teaching an i adore me class to 11 & 12 year old children for Citizen Schools. Through this course they are learning how to adore themselves, how color can impact their emotions and what that means for their community. The following are three short blogs by some of the students. They were asked what their passion is, what their favorite color is, how their passion and their favorite color makes them feel and how they will use these things to support their community. The lesson here was to teach them how to express themselves through words. It’s interesting how a child’s mind works. We can learn a lot from them! They don’t edit themselves. I hope you enjoy their answers as much as I do:
Written by: Nataley Encarnacion
My passion is to dance. My favorite colors are blue and purple. My passion and my favorite color makes me feel free, because I can dance any type of way and my color makes me feel good, because I can do anything that I stick to. I would use these things to support my community by building a dance class to teach other people how to dance. I would use my color in my dance class by if you feel good you can use that by telling everyone they can be free.
Written by: Markayla Turner
My passion is shopping and my favorite color is purple. My passion and my favorite color make me feel comfortable. And purple is cool and I love being cool. I will use these to support my community. And hurricane Sandy ruined some of the mall. People will want to shop for clothes and shoes. I will want them to be very happy when I help them. I will do a clothing drive, because I love going shopping.
Written by: Ines Lazu
My passion is dancing and singing. My favorite color is red, because red is love. My passion and favorite color makes me feel happy about myself. My passion which is dancing and singing will help my community, because I can raise money to help the poor people and the people who lost their homes. My favorite color, which is red, will help my community by not making people fight for no reason.
 Written by: John Michael Dias
I had an epiphany today. This is something I realize that will change everything. I was in a particularly bad mood as I trudged my way to the A train from my apartment on my way to work. After the train finally pulled up to a screeching halt at the station, I found myself looking around at all the different kinds of people around me. I realized that everything I was noticing was coming from a negative place. I heard myself say things in my head like, "Who would wear those shoes?" "I hate the color of that woman's coat" "He needs a haircut." "I wish that jerk would cut the flap open on the back of his jacket!!!" "That girl's voice is sooooo loud and annoying!"
Firstly, Who am I to think these things about other people? Secondly, all of these people have their own story and just as much worth as I do. Instantly, that girl with the Loud, Annoying Voice let out a joyous guffaw of musical laughter and a switch went off in my head.
This girl’s laughter was filled with so much joy and positivity. I instantly looked back at every person I was judging unfairly before, looking at them now in a completely different light. I looked over at the man whose shoes I hated before and noticed he had huge, beautiful blue eyes. The woman who wore that coat I hated, had such a pleasant expression on her face and looked so confident and content; you could tell she loved what she was wearing just by her stance. The guy who needed a haircut was a busy dad with his two children. He was making them laugh by reading to them on the long train ride downtown, and it was adorable. And who knows? Maybe that other guy wasn’t ever taught to snip that thread on the back of his coat.
I continued to look around the train and found positive things about everyone around me. The woman across from me had a beautiful smile. The couple near me was holding hands and looked so in love. Before I knew it, I heard the sound of the sliding doors and it snapped me out of my trance. I was at 59th street and it was time to get off the train.
I found that I was in such a good mood on my walk to work and throughout the rest of that day. I found that people were looking at me differently. Could it be that because I was seeing the positive in them, giving out good energy, they, in turn, were seeing the positive in me? Stranger things have happened.
For the rest of the day I found myself exercising this technique. The second I felt some negative thought or judgment coming on, I would instantly counteract it with a positive thought. I intend to make this my new way of living.
I truly believe that negativity is like a drug; it’s extremely addictive. It is so easy to gravitate toward negative thoughts and dwell on the negative aspects of people and situations. When we think of the positives, focusing on what we can learn from experiences we are confronted with, we blossom.
With every negative is a positive. I truly believe the mind is everything. What you think, you become. I choose to think positively. How about you?
*Please share your comments below*
written by: John Michael Dias
I found this beautiful video on YouTube. It is an inspiration to me. There is a famous poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer entitled, "The Invitation," and it is incorporated in this video below. It was uploaded onto YouTube by CreativeRain. I invite you to not only watch this video but read the poem underneath the video. I hope it inspires you as much as it inspires me!
Hugs,
Betsy Karp
The Invitation
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Canadian Teacher and Author
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."
It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
© 1995 by Oriah House, From "Dreams Of Desire"
Published by Mountain Dreaming, 300 Coxwell Avenue, Box 22546, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4L 2A0
Right now I have a lot of hope in my heart. I have hope for our country. I have hope that we can move forward as a united nation now that the election is over. I have even more, positive hope that President Obama will do what he set out to do 4 years ago. I have hope that my dreams and my passions of i adore me’s success will come to fruition. I also have a deep hope and courage within myself to keep going, never giving up. What do you have hope for?
Please enjoy this video. I hope it will inspire you as it has in me…
*Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Hugs,
Betsy Karp,
Founder of i adore me
 I am still glued to the TV and I feel grateful that I have power to watch it. It’s devastating what Hurricane Sandy has done. People have died, homes were destroyed, communities gone, and people’s livelihood’s shattered. It’s heartbreaking at times to watch all of this. Foundations have been ripped from the ground and need to be re-built. This is the time to be part of your community by helping others and joining together to make a difference one layer at a time.
The class I am going to teach next week to my middle school students is about building a foundation, creating structure in their lives and what it means to be part of a community. The synchronicity of all this is unreal. Unfortunately, I now have current examples to speak about. The one, truly important lesson that I’m really going to focus on with them, as well as myself, is the gift of gratitude; to be alive, to have food in my refrigerator, heat in my apartment, and the power of a working computer to write this blog.
Times like these really do wake you up to what’s important in life. We all sweat the small stuff. The lesson here is to appreciate and be grateful for the small things in life that we take for granted: power, hot water, and running water for that matter. I heard stories on the news of many people without water and working toilets. Acknowledge and appreciate the water you have, because that is gratitude. It’s something as simple as that!
In the eight years I have lived in my apartment in NYC, I have never seen my local grocery store run out of food. Well, yesterday they did. It was incredible to see. I wish there was more I could do to help people…more food that I could personally give. I feel the pain of the suffering people when I hear their emotional stories. They’re just heartbreaking.
One story was the silver lining of it all: a child was born in a gymnasium and everyone there was lending a hand. So maybe you can reach out and see whom you can help or lend a hand to. Possibly donate some food or offer someone a warm place to stay. It’s times like these that teach us to reach out and be part of our community, helping others. Be a strong support system and help someone rebuild his or her foundation. You will feel so good and so will they….
Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Hugs,
Betsy Karp,
Founder of i adore me
 My heart was filled with warmth from the message left on my voicemail. It was a shared moment between friends and it was special. Friends are gifts and should be treasured. They lift you up when you are down and they’re always there in the good & bad without expectations…just love.
“Hey Bets. It’s me, Lisa. I am driving down to Albuquerque, and I’m TOTALLY having an “i adore me “ moment, and I wanted to share it with you. I kind of did it consciously, but not with creating too much intention around it. I was getting ready tonight to go to a party, which for me, you know is a big deal, because of my terrible health issues. I’m always feeling like shit, and I look like a corpse lately. I walk around down here in worn out, grungy, sloppy sweats, no makeup and it’s okay, because I’m Bella’s mom, and it’s just her and me. But tonight, something shifted in me and I said ‘NO MORE!’
I got it together and put some effort into me. I took a really hot shower and put some good-old Chaka Chan tunes on. Then I put on makeup and a cute outfit and I feel like the old me, just like I did when we were roommates back at Syracuse. I haven’t felt like this in years. And you know what girlfriend? Just like you always do, my friend, I got it together!
I feel sooo good. I feel like I took care of me today. Mind you, it’s nothing over the top, but I look good. And damn it, you know what? I feel good! I haven’t had this feeling in so long. So I am calling you, my beautiful friend, to share my i adore me moment and to say, ‘I love you.’ It’s Saturday night at 6:30. Call me!”
I listened to her message again and it made me feel so good. Sometimes all we need in life is a shared moment. Maybe you can reach out to someone you love and just share something that makes you feel good. See how it will touch them as well as yourself. You’ll be glad you did. I’ll even bet on it...
*Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Hugs,
Betsy Karp,
Founder of i adore me
 Are you feeling uplifted lately or are you down in the dumps? Who do you turn to when you’re feeling kind of blue? Who gives you that support and lifts you up? We all need support and it’s really important to find people we trust and that we can turn to when we feel sad and blue. So whom are you reaching out to? Who is your support system?
I find that when I’m feeling kind of blue and sad, I can call my best friend and say, “Hey, can I bitch for a second?” And then I’m begging her to make me laugh, because there’s nothing better in the world than laughing. It breaks you out of depression and makes you happier. It works every time. You instantly feel better.
Writing down my feelings and emotions helps to get them out as well. It feels like a therapy session and it's a lot cheaper. Possibly try doing that and see how you feel. Don’t suppress the feelings. Get them out in some way, whether you walk, exercise or laugh with a friend. Once you air it, somehow you feel lighter.
Then there is a wonderful universal law to try. Once you’ve gotten yourself uplifted to a more positive place, share your positivity with someone who is down in the dumps. Reach out and give that person a helping hand or a phone call…just show that you care. One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is reaching out and saying: “I care.” You’ll lift them up as well as yourself.
Take one day at a time. Try as much as you can to be in the moment. Try not to fast forward to next week’s business conference. It is amazing how just by focusing on the moment, everything will take care of itself. Music is magic, turn it on. It shifts your vibration and energy helping you to be more in the now. We need to crawl before we walk and walk before we run, so don’t be in a rush. Take it as it comes, but keep on uplifting your energy and moving yourself in a forward direction.
Just like Gandhi says, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It all starts with you. Take that first positive step. Then give back and get involved in helping others and your community. Whether you are a woman or a man, help extend the chain that links all of us together to heal. This is what community means: to share, support, help and give back! You will feel so good to get involved. Just look at how many lives you will help! Now that is what you call being UPLIFTED!!!
*Please comment below and share with your friends.*
Hugs,
Betsy Karp,
Founder of i adore me
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