Written by: Jacqueline Stahl

Side orders just for your enjoyment...
Stories of the Unfaithful...

For two years I led a woman's group focused on love stories, fulfilled and unrequited. The women shared the pain of their affairs, their lover's affairs and the prospect of ending what they thought was the real thing.

The boldest woman in the group was an actress in her early 30's, newly engaged to a shy and talented artist. Her daily schedule was earmarked for workouts, acting classes, therapy, and writing poetry. The group was formed shortly after her mother died of stage four lung cancer. Each week she arrived late, her face powdered with grief and her mouth firing nonstop about the unfairness of life. The other women didn't wilt under her feisty commentary about the "ugly bitches" she met at auditions and the vast amount of alcohol she put away on every shift.

They let her rip until she cried. After one of these emotional breakthroughs, she shared a story of a man that came into a hotel restaurant where she waited tables. He was from Florence, worked for a clothing retail company and traveled to New York every month for one week. Her description of him wasn't flattering, but his shortage of hair and his below average command of English didn't discourage her from venturing into danger.

Over the next few weeks, the women in the group leaned in as she read his emails and texts.
Everyone, including myself was captivated by this foreign Man.

He promised her, "I will wait for you till my last breath." He wrote that he fell in love with her laugh and beautiful eyes. "Do you accept my true sweet words?" He swore, "If I do not honor this divine and powerful force I may as well die. Ciao Bella un bacio!"

One of the women who had recently moved in with her girlfriend laughed out loud: "You have to sleep with him, you don't want his divine death on your conscience."

With every opinion and reflection shared, no one said "end" the  relationship. Instead, they encouraged it. Everyone in the group remarked on how much happier she seemed and how radiant she looked.

The little Italian man continued to court her and plan cultural excursions on his days off. They went to the Met, the MOMA and drank champagne at the Peninsula. He planned to take her sailing in Croatia and Italia. Yet, they still had not consummated the relationship.

The fair skinned and provocative Violinist in the group told everyone that this little man was "poetically inserting himself into her life so he has something to look forward to. She's a safe bet, she's engaged, and looking for a distraction from her unsuccessful existence." Then she mumbled, "he probably has a really small..."

The lunging happened first and then a real fist and face slapping fight broke out in my 300 square foot office. Screaming, hair pulling and the C word vibrating off the walls.

"That is enough!" I shouted louder than I ever have in my life. "Sit down and don't say a word until I am finished. This group was not created so we can sit here week after week formulating judgments about one another. We are here to actively listen and genuinely share our lives with each other. We don't always agree with each other, because our personal experiences inform the way we analyze and perceive each moment. Feeling compelled to blatantly hurt or undermine someone is not only unproductive, it is cruel. We are also here so we can safely make mistakes and then apologize and move forward. Let's begin again."

The violinist stood up and walked over to the chair where the actress was sitting and reached out her hand. "I behaved like a little $h!t and I'm sorry. I think I'm jealous of you. You are engaged to a nice guy and you have this International unrequited love affair going on. I have such a boring life and I'm angry at myself...not you. I didn't mean what I said."

The actress nodded her head and said, "He does have a really small..."

The group roared and we were out of time.

Ciao Bellas,
Jacqueline Stahl

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                Written by: Katie Cohen

I just watched The Little Mermaid. Sprawled across the living room floor, I imagined that my legs were a beautiful green tail, gleaming against the ocean’s seabed. My short blonde bob had transformed into spaghetti length locks of fiery red that danced and twirled as I swam toward my father’s antique leather chair, which closely resembled King Tritons throne. Suddenly, the sky cast a dark shadow over my ocean, inviting the evils of the sea to emerge from their hiding places and to create the most violent storm. King Triton told me that if I could make my way across the ocean without stepping on any sea urchins, or without swimming into any dark holes, that the storm would vanish. However, if I failed to follow his advice, the angry storm would strengthen and destroy my entire sea world.

For several days, I did everything in my power to avoid the sea urchins and dark holes that King Triton warned me about. Whether I was playing the role of Ariel in The Little Mermaid or just being Katie, I still had an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that something terrible was going to happen if I didn’t listen to the king. Eventually my six-year old Disney fantasy and my reality became interchangeable, and stepping over sea urchins manifested into the exhausting obsession of jumping over the street cracks of downtown Manhattan. This was my first experience with anxiety. Of course, I did not understand the significance of my neurotic rituals at the time or that I was becoming controlled by my thoughts.

Thoughts. The very things that allow us to create, to grow, and to distinguish ourselves as individuals. However, when fueled by anxiety, they reveal their destructive nature, often leaving people crippled and enslaved by their irrational thinking processes. Fortunately, as the masters of our minds, we have a choice. We can allow ourselves to be consumed by our fears or we can conquer them before they conquer us. While it’s easier said than done, it is possible. Take it one day at a time. Today, I will choose to step ON the street cracks.

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Written by: Katie Cohen

              Written by: Betsy Karp

What are you NOT doing right now that you WANT to do? Procrastination is more fear based than anything else: fear of failure or fear of success. It’s amazing how you can do everything under the sun than do the thing you truly want to accomplish.

You can make an entire day out of errands and find five hundred things to do (laundry, going to a movie, naps, etc…), but you aren’t sitting down to complete that one specific goal. Maybe by putting some Orange in front of you, it will inspire your courage and creativity. As soon as you see the color orange it will raise your vibration into a positive state. You can also eat some orange foods like carrots and pumpkin squash. These foods give you energy. They have a lot of beta-carotene, vitamin A and vitamin C.

Ask yourself, “What is it that I really need to do and get done?” An easy way to help you in this process is to find an accountability partner. Find someone who will give you tough love and make you accountable, not someone that will lick your wounds. When we are accountable to someone other than ourselves we feel responsibility and we don’t want to dishonor our commitment to our partner and ourselves.  This will help you with one stage of procrastination.

The second stage is about being disciplined. Make a schedule and find 30 minutes to work towards your goal each and every day. Persistence is what you need here. If you make this pact with yourself and honor it, everything starts to fall into alignment. Before you know it you will have completed the process.

So I’m really curious…what is it that you are going to do? Don’t procrastinate. Take charge, take action and surround yourself with orange. Let the courage and creativity of the color empower you to move forward. Aren't you ready to really start this new year?

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Hugs,

Betsy Karp,
Founder of i adore me

                Written by: Betsy Karp

It ‘s a new year and that means it is time for new beginnings, commitments and what we really want to create in 2013.

I really dislike the word RESOLUTION. I feel it is a word that just doesn’t work. We set out with all good intentions for our resolutions, however, by the middle of January, or if you are lucky enough to get to February, they are shattered and gone. I was listening to news the other evening and less than 20% percent of people keep their resolutions. The two biggest resolutions are: I am going to exercise more. And, of course, the REALLY BIG ONE…I am really going to lose weight this year…the notorious 10 pounds.

Instead of saying, “I have a resolution,” why don’t you possibly try saying to yourself, “I will make a commitment”? When we commit to a dinner date, we go. When we commit to a job, we show up. So where in your life can you commit to something that will help you create all that you want in 2013?

The first thing you need to do is to write down what it is that you want. Ask yourself, “What is it?” This is a bigger question than you think. Take time and really ask yourself, “What do I want to create in 2013?” Then make a plan. Nothing in life gets done without action. Action is what makes everything work. It’s a step-by-step process. Do things in baby steps. That is how things move forward.  Nothing happens overnight. “Slow and steady wins the race.” I love that saying because life is a process. There are many successful people who say, “It took me YEARS to be an overnight success.”

We get to where we want by having a plan, making a commitment and honoring that vision.  If you break your commitment, the only one you ever really hurt is yourself.

As we step into our commitments to ourselves we feel more empowered. It builds self-esteem and confidence. Make a commitment and create what you really want for yourself.

Step into your commitments with passion, a plan and action. I’d love to hear what your commitments are for 2013? Please share below.

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Hugs,

Betsy Karp,
Founder of i adore me